TheFatLady's Harem
of Mystical Disenchantment
[Monday, November 15, 2004]
[Saturday, September 04, 2004]
In the event that this blog is really starting to turn into a cesspool, I have decided to close it down and will attempt to start a new one. Please visit this new blog when it is up an running.
On a happy note, Mr Dio's in the papers today! At least some people in Nj are going places.
On a happy note, Mr Dio's in the papers today! At least some people in Nj are going places.
[Sunday, June 13, 2004]
I wanna go for Steve Vai damn it.
[Friday, June 11, 2004]
Can't stop...
There is no more dreadful feeling than falling in on a cold dark morning with your field pack, SBO, helmet and rifle, standing there sleepy and hungry and only expecting the worst.
There is no more comfortable feeling than lazing on your own bed, with your pillows and blanket, feeling the warmth and love of home.
There is no more exhilirating and hopeful feeling ever, than booking out.
There is no more touching moment than seeing your friends enduring pain and suffering along with you, looking in their eyes, and realising the fact that they're doing it all not for themselves, but for everyone.
There is no more dreadful feeling than falling in on a cold dark morning with your field pack, SBO, helmet and rifle, standing there sleepy and hungry and only expecting the worst.
There is no more comfortable feeling than lazing on your own bed, with your pillows and blanket, feeling the warmth and love of home.
There is no more exhilirating and hopeful feeling ever, than booking out.
There is no more touching moment than seeing your friends enduring pain and suffering along with you, looking in their eyes, and realising the fact that they're doing it all not for themselves, but for everyone.
[Tuesday, May 18, 2004]
Argh!!! I feel like a total idiot cos i left 20 bucks worth of groceries in a public toilet... bah... ... ... ...
[Saturday, May 01, 2004]
Cross my heart and hope to die...
Life is so different now I don't know myself sometimes. Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a dream, in a dream I won't wake from. This world seems so muddy and hopeless... like there's no light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm really really confused now. Suddenly all those damn sad love songs mean so much. Suddenly I miss u, so much there's this pain that stabs me right in my heart. And I can just see it all in front of me - the past right in front of my eyes, and my heart aches to just wake up from this goddam nightmare. But the past seems so far away. I recall the time in NJC like recalling a movie I've seen, and SJI is even more remote. I can't remember the last time I played table tennis.
I wish I had just one more day at home to recooperate from training and sort things out with myself and with certain people. Somehow I feel fake, like I'm part of some twisted movie. I wish someone would come along, right now, and take my heart, take me away.
Right now though, I'm grateful for my family and this home. I think I've learnt to appreaciate the simple things more. Not that I have ever taken them for granted. My chair seems so much more comfortable now, and sleep in my own bed so much sweeter.
Sometimes I have dreams in camp about life outside camp, and sometimes I have dreams at home about life in camp. And then I wake up, and I feel damned sick of this turbulence in my heart and in my soul. I'm tired of living my life for other people, and I'm tired of not being me. Maybe I'll step out one day from this prison a better person. Maybe I'll walk away one day. And maybe I'll be able to live again.
Life is so different now I don't know myself sometimes. Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a dream, in a dream I won't wake from. This world seems so muddy and hopeless... like there's no light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm really really confused now. Suddenly all those damn sad love songs mean so much. Suddenly I miss u, so much there's this pain that stabs me right in my heart. And I can just see it all in front of me - the past right in front of my eyes, and my heart aches to just wake up from this goddam nightmare. But the past seems so far away. I recall the time in NJC like recalling a movie I've seen, and SJI is even more remote. I can't remember the last time I played table tennis.
I wish I had just one more day at home to recooperate from training and sort things out with myself and with certain people. Somehow I feel fake, like I'm part of some twisted movie. I wish someone would come along, right now, and take my heart, take me away.
Right now though, I'm grateful for my family and this home. I think I've learnt to appreaciate the simple things more. Not that I have ever taken them for granted. My chair seems so much more comfortable now, and sleep in my own bed so much sweeter.
Sometimes I have dreams in camp about life outside camp, and sometimes I have dreams at home about life in camp. And then I wake up, and I feel damned sick of this turbulence in my heart and in my soul. I'm tired of living my life for other people, and I'm tired of not being me. Maybe I'll step out one day from this prison a better person. Maybe I'll walk away one day. And maybe I'll be able to live again.
[Sunday, April 04, 2004]
Baa Baa Black Sheep Have You Any Wool...
Okay, its confirmed that I'm headed for the West.
The posting orders this time around have just shown that all that bullshit about meritocracy and manpower management really is bullshit. You don't have to run fast, pass your SOC, shoot well, or suck up to your superiors, because in the end, it doesn't matter...at all. It really is frustrating and somewhat unbelievable to think that the SAF manages us in such a random, fluffy manner, but I am beginning to have a strong conviction that this is the case.
Sadly, I'll be leaving (with a heavy heart) for my new camp tomorrow. Goodbye world. Surprisingly, I am experiencing a strange sort of excitement and enthusiasm since I have heard so many stories about the place. And I am comforted by the fact that there will be familiar faces and close friends who will be coming along for the ride. Hopefully, my health will improve and I can stop taking that damned medicine which is really affecting me physically...
Till I blog again... Cheers!
Okay, its confirmed that I'm headed for the West.
The posting orders this time around have just shown that all that bullshit about meritocracy and manpower management really is bullshit. You don't have to run fast, pass your SOC, shoot well, or suck up to your superiors, because in the end, it doesn't matter...at all. It really is frustrating and somewhat unbelievable to think that the SAF manages us in such a random, fluffy manner, but I am beginning to have a strong conviction that this is the case.
Sadly, I'll be leaving (with a heavy heart) for my new camp tomorrow. Goodbye world. Surprisingly, I am experiencing a strange sort of excitement and enthusiasm since I have heard so many stories about the place. And I am comforted by the fact that there will be familiar faces and close friends who will be coming along for the ride. Hopefully, my health will improve and I can stop taking that damned medicine which is really affecting me physically...
Till I blog again... Cheers!
people have sought the fat lady.
"Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings"
"I fear that i am ordinary,
Just like everyone.
To lie here and die among the sorrows,
Adrift among the days."
Can't get enough of me?
Get Up close and personal!